Relatives that smoke

Everyone knows that smoking is bad for the lungs, yatta yatta, but unfortunately that does not stop people from smoking. While it is a personal choice, it can affect others beyond yourself. The dangers of second-hand smoke are nearly as bad, and in some cases worse than actual smoking. This can pose a problem for someone who has relatives that smoke, especially if they have children, or you do. The concern for your children's well-being, as well as your own can be very real. So, if your relatives smoke, and invite you to come over, or come to your house frequently, what can you do?

1. Set some ground rules. Because smoking is a real health concern, your relatives should not be overly offended if you ask them not to smoke around you or your children. It is your life, and your children, and your home, so setting rules regarding those things is your prerogative. You will want to go about it nicely, but be sure to go about it. Make some simple rules for them, which might include the following:
a. You will not smoke in my, or my children's presence. This is to avoid second hand smoke, but can also be a way of preventing your child from taking them as a role model, or justifying trying smoking because their grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc. smokes.
b. You will not smoke in my home. This may be to prevent the permeating smell of smoking from ruining your furniture, walls, and carpet. It also falls under the category of health.
2. Be courteous. Usually people know that smoking is unhealthy, and want to quit, but find the addiction too difficult to overcome. So, while it is your prerogative to forbid them from smoking around your children, and in your home, you should be considerate of them as well. If they want you to visit, and you just can't handle it because their home smells like smoke, you do not have to tell them that. Instead, get a hotel nearby, and visit often, but let them know you enjoy your own space, and that it is no bother to get a hotel. This means you do not have to deal with the smoking or smell, and they still get to see you and the kids. Telling someone that you won't associate with them because they smoke is really unfair. If they refuse to follow the rules, then it is wise, but if they promise not to smoke in the presence of your kids, etc. then remember it is an addiction, and that it is not easily overcome.
3. Teach your family differently. One of the biggest fears for parents who have relatives that smoke is that their children will follow the example. It is hard to teach a child that you love the person, not their actions, but it is worth stressing that your child is going to run into smokers their whole life, and it is your responsibility to teach them not to smoke, even if people they know and love do. It can be a great lesson to learn, especially if they see the negative effects smoking has on someone they are close to.