Money in family

Money has a way of causing problems in families. It brings out the bad and good in people. It either shows generosity, or stinginess. It can lead to resentment, or gratitude. Money in families has more potential for problems than it should. The following are a few examples of how it can be problematic, and how to avoid money problems in your family.

1. Loans to family. If someone in your family is not in a position to get a loan from a bank, you probably should not loan to them either. It may be due to circumstances that are beyond their control, such as hospital bills, etc. but the fact is, loaning money to family is fraught with problems. What happens to the relationship if they do not pay you back? Will you be able to make it financially if your loan is ignored? Even if you are in the position to loan money to family, unless you can live with out it, you should never loan it. As far as family goes, consider it a gift, and if they pay you back be grateful. Otherwise you are putting yourself in a potentially volatile situation where resentment reigns, and frustration rules.
2. Working with family. When you work with family, money is involved. Sometimes it is hard for family to understand that you are their boss, or that they do not deserve more income based on their work. Family often expects to be granted promotions, raises, and other favors simply because they are family, whether their actions merit it or not. In addition, when personal problems arise, it has a way of affecting working situations. If you work with your parent, and you get in a huge fight with them, and refuse to let them see their grandkids, what do you think will happen while you are at work? It is unwise to put your financial well-being in the hands of your family. Put them in your own hands, or run the risk of ruining family relationships over money.
3. Loving people with money, or treating those without money differently can also be a huge problem within families. In your extended family, you may see some people who are better off than others. This can lead to unfair treatment. Maybe some people get better treatment than others because of their financial position. It seems that rich tend to get higher esteem than poor, and while this may be expected in society, it is extremely frustrating to deal with in a family situation, and can lead to a lot of resentment and family problems.
When it comes to family and money, the best policy is to simply keep them separate. Do not discuss your finances, do not give loans, and do not work with family. It is great to be generous with family, and to give if you have it, but do not expect things in return, and always look for non-money ways to help.

Relatives that smoke

Everyone knows that smoking is bad for the lungs, yatta yatta, but unfortunately that does not stop people from smoking. While it is a personal choice, it can affect others beyond yourself. The dangers of second-hand smoke are nearly as bad, and in some cases worse than actual smoking. This can pose a problem for someone who has relatives that smoke, especially if they have children, or you do. The concern for your children's well-being, as well as your own can be very real. So, if your relatives smoke, and invite you to come over, or come to your house frequently, what can you do?

1. Set some ground rules. Because smoking is a real health concern, your relatives should not be overly offended if you ask them not to smoke around you or your children. It is your life, and your children, and your home, so setting rules regarding those things is your prerogative. You will want to go about it nicely, but be sure to go about it. Make some simple rules for them, which might include the following:
a. You will not smoke in my, or my children's presence. This is to avoid second hand smoke, but can also be a way of preventing your child from taking them as a role model, or justifying trying smoking because their grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc. smokes.
b. You will not smoke in my home. This may be to prevent the permeating smell of smoking from ruining your furniture, walls, and carpet. It also falls under the category of health.
2. Be courteous. Usually people know that smoking is unhealthy, and want to quit, but find the addiction too difficult to overcome. So, while it is your prerogative to forbid them from smoking around your children, and in your home, you should be considerate of them as well. If they want you to visit, and you just can't handle it because their home smells like smoke, you do not have to tell them that. Instead, get a hotel nearby, and visit often, but let them know you enjoy your own space, and that it is no bother to get a hotel. This means you do not have to deal with the smoking or smell, and they still get to see you and the kids. Telling someone that you won't associate with them because they smoke is really unfair. If they refuse to follow the rules, then it is wise, but if they promise not to smoke in the presence of your kids, etc. then remember it is an addiction, and that it is not easily overcome.
3. Teach your family differently. One of the biggest fears for parents who have relatives that smoke is that their children will follow the example. It is hard to teach a child that you love the person, not their actions, but it is worth stressing that your child is going to run into smokers their whole life, and it is your responsibility to teach them not to smoke, even if people they know and love do. It can be a great lesson to learn, especially if they see the negative effects smoking has on someone they are close to.

Seeing more than someone's faults

Seeing someone's faults is easy. Name a person and I can tell you in a matter of minutes the things about them that I do not like. We all have this canny ability to recognize all of the bad in people, however, this article focuses on how to see more than someone's faults, and start seeing their good qualities and attributes as well. The following are five things you can do see more in someone than their faults:

1. Taking time to get to know them. You will never be able to see past someone's faults if you do not get to know who they are. Faults are easier to spot than good attributes, so if you want to find those, you have to look deeper than the surface. The reason many people do not is that it takes effort and a lot of hard work. However, it can be a really enjoyable process as well. You can have a lot of fun in the process while hanging out, and doing things you both enjoy.
2. Spending time with them in many different situations. Have you ever been caught in a bad day? Would you like that one situation or day to be what defines you forever? No, so be very careful not to do that to others. Give them a chance to show you their other sides. You have to give people the benefit of the doubt, and spend time with them under various circumstances, so that you can see past their faults, and their reactions, to who they actually are. If you see them in their best element it will be easy to spot their positive qualities, so give yourself and them that chance.
3. Look for the best in them. If you want to see beyond someone's faults, you have to look for it. So, keep your eye open for things other than their faults. It is easy to pounce on someone's problems, but unless you make their positive attributes your focus, then you won't find them.
4. Ask them what they like about themselves. If you are having trouble getting through their faults to see things that are positive, ask them what they think their positive traits are. What you might see as stubbornness, and think is a bad thing, they might look at as a good thing because it might mean sticking to their beliefs. If you listen to what they like about themselves, you can take cues from it, and figure out that you like that too.
5. Have fun together. It is easy to see someone's faults if the time you spend with them is uncomfortable, or unhappy. However, when you are out having fun, and you seriously enjoy their company, it is harder to remember their faults.
It is not always easy to find things you like in others, but it is worth taking the time to stop looking at people's faults, and start looking for the good in them.

Sexual abuse in the family

When families experience something like sexual abuse, it can be an extremely difficult situation. A male member, either the father or a brother, perpetrates most sexual abuse in families. Because it is family, many of the victims of sexual abuse are afraid to blow the whistle. They do not want to be the reason their family is torn apart, or their father goes to prison. No matter how poor the logic is, as it is the fault of the perpetrator, not the victim, this is the common problem.

Because of the lack of reporting it, most sexual abuse in families will go on for years, the average being a two year span, but some much more. The degree of sexual abuse changes with each case. In some cases the molestation is mild, touching, caresses, and the like. In others it is severe, including penetration, and sometimes impregnation.
Unfortunately, most sexual abuse happens with someone you know and are familiar with. While there are certainly cases of rape out there, the subtle, and more mental forms of sexual abuse almost always occur with a person the victim is familiar with, which is why it is so difficult for them to understand what is happening, and put a stop to it.
Sexual abuse in families generally starts out as a show of affection. A brother may get in bed with his sister during a storm, under the pretense of comfort. This "innocent" comforting may go on for a while, and start to escalate, with hugging, kissing, touching, and eventually intercourse. Because it is a gradual process, most perpetrators have the chance to work a mental warfare on the victim as well. They convince them that it is not wrong, that it is simply comfort, and expressing affection. They may tell them that it is their duty to perform sexual acts etc. For example, a girl's mother may be sick and unable to please her father, and so the father may tell her that the duty falls to her to make sure he is happy.
The sense of "duty" or "honor" and the family ties often lead to years of sexual abuse; abuse that may never be over completely, and only stops for a time because the victim moves out to go to college, etc.
Most victims of sexual abuse in their families will isolate themselves. They know in their hearts that the situation is wrong, and so in fear of a friend finding out what is going on, they distance themselves from all friends, and eventually have none. This leads to it being even more difficult to end the abuse because they feel isolated and alone, and worry that no one will believe them, or support them.
If you or someone you know is suffering from sexual abuse in their family, it is critical that you help them put a stop to it. It is a difficult situation, and the victim is not usually in a place mentally to handle it, but there is help out there. A great example is the Into the Light helpline for children who are victims of sexual abuse. To contact them, or another group for support look them up.

Marc Maron

Comedian/podcaster Marc Maron isn’t afraid to let comedy get uncomfortably candid.

  Self-revelation has been a staple of comedy at least since Lenny Bruce, but Marc Maron—stand-up comic and host of the WTF podcast (it stands for what you think it does)—takes his personal anger and angst to a level that sometimes is just as uncomfortable as it is funny, discussing highly personal subjects like his upbringing and several bitter divorces. You keep listening because it’s so compelling: a neurotic’s inner monologue has never been verbalized quite this eloquently or in such (sometimes excruciating) detail. It’s compelling enough to get him comedy specials on HBO and Comedy Central, appearances on Conan O’Brien and David Letterman, the role of the “Angry Promoter” in the movie Almost Famous, and a gig as host of Morning Sedition on the progressive radio network Air America (he was dismissed partly for being too angry).
Maron, who has released three comedy CDs and is working on a fourth, started WTF in September 2009, and in August celebrated his 100th episode. He’s one of the few in the podcast world to achieve a modicum of success with the support of sponsors, and the show has been one of the most downloaded podcasts on iTunes. The show can switch from interviewing comedy luminaries to uncomfortable conversations with his divorced parents, but it’s all very candid and honest. (An interview with porn star Dana DeArmond, followed by a chat with Maron’s therapist was awkward indeed.)
The candor on the podcast has progressed naturally from the 48-year-old’s style of stand-up. “I’ve always sort of done it on stage, and it just took me a while to realize that sometimes, especially in the form of the podcast, that it doesn’t always have to be funny necessarily,” he says. “Sometimes, the honesty of it is OK, but I just began to become confident that something funny will happen.”
Maron records most of the WTF episodes in his garage, doing interviews by phone, and that makes the show feel more comfortable. Los Angeles-area comedians drop by his place or, if he’s performing somewhere like, say, Chicago, he might go to the office of Ira Glass, host of public radio show This American Life, to interview him. He’s also had comedians such as Bob Saget and Robin Williams on the show.
Occasionally, the honesty is too much for some of his subjects. When last May he interviewed comedian Carlos Mencia on two episodes about accusations against the Hispanic comic of joke-stealing, Mencia became very defensive. More recently, last month comic Gallagher stormed off the show.
“There’s an electricity to talking to people about things that are explosive or vulnerable,” Maron says, “but many of the podcasts have moments like that, because I think a lot of us don’t have in-depth conversations about much of anything, including myself (off the show). If I’m talking to somebody I’ve never met before, like Bob Odenkirk or Louis C.K., when something emotional happens, there’s a moment of awkwardness. But then you realize, wow, this is really human, we’re all built to deal with this, but this is something we should be doing, so just stay in the present and let the moment reveal itself, you know?”
WTF and Maron’s comedy in general are very intelligent in a world of Larry the Cable Guy humor. He sometimes discusses authors like Jonathan Franzen; it’s not uncommon to hear the word “gravitas” on the show. Maron’s cynicism is so bent on scrutiny of everything—especially himself—that he doesn’t let cynicism go unexamined, and that raises him above the level of “cynical hipster.” In the conversational format of WTF, he seems to have found the perfect medium to get his sensibility, style and tone across without being either too abrasive or too loose and rambling, but conversational in a way that‘s extremely listenable: “It just suited me perfectly because it brought together all my comedy skills, radio skills and emotional skills into one form.”
While Maron is working on a comedic memoir tentatively titled Attempting Normal, it seems the catharsis of doing the podcast helps him keep a strange kind of balance in his life. “As you get older, you start to realize that, despite all of your whining and anger and despair and expectations and disappointments, there’s an end to this,” he says. “And there are a lot of things that are up to us to experience with our own perceptions. It just seems that if I keep talking, and keep expressing how I feel and keep listening to other people, that I can change the way I perceive things a little bit, and that can bring a little more peace of mind.”

Lily Tomlin

And That’s the Truth: Lily Tomlin still embraces her classic characters after more than 40 years.

It is sometimes difficult to imagine what entertainment legends were like before they became famous. Comedian Lily Tomlin has lived in America’s collective memory since the 1960s, and yet she doesn’t seem to have aged a day. In a recent interview with City Weekly, Tomlin explained how she acquired her particular style of comedy. Growing up lower middle-class in a culturally diverse Detroit apartment complex, she found joy in the simple acts of listening to radio shows with her little brother and putting on skits for the other tenants on the balcony. Her first exposure to organized performing came from a local community center’s summer program. “We didn’t go to the theater a lot,” Tomlin recalls, “but this program let the older kids put together plays. That was a big influence on me.”
Her keen ability to mimic a wide variety of voices and facial expressions was evident early on. Tomlin recalled how one of her most beloved characters—the precocious and perpetually congested 5-year-old Edith Ann—was inspired by the daughter of one of the young mothers who lived in her building. “I’m still friends with her mother after all these years,” Tomlin says. Her daughter had this thick, heavy voice. It was so unique for such a little girl, and I remember trying to capture that voice when I first started doing the Edith Ann character. I don’t know where the stuffy nose came from, but it just worked.”
After a few years performing her act in coffee shops and comedy clubs, Tomlin made the move to New York City and started appearing on The Merv Griffin Show. Getting picked for the hit series Laugh-In in 1969 became a pivotal moment in her career, and she got her first real taste of fame. “Back then, there weren’t that many channels to choose from. Laugh-In was one of those shows the entire family gathered together to watch. I started getting recognized on the streets after that.”
It was while working on Laugh-In that Tomlin met her longtime partner, Jane Wagner. She recalls watching an afternoon special that Wagner had written, and was immediately taken with Wagner’s development of the characters. Tomlin contacted Wagner and they began working together to develop the Edith Ann sketch into its own special. The two women became inseparable, both professionally and personally, and they have lived and worked together ever since.
Wagner has written all of Tomlin’s major projects, including her television specials and Tomlin’s proudest performance, The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe, which not only broke records for its success on Broadway and across the country and eventually made it to the big screen, but also earned Tomlin the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2003. “When I first learned I won the award,” Tomlin says, “I refused to accept it unless they agreed to give Jane one, too, because every word of that play belonged to her.”
Tomlin has enjoyed a long and successful career in entertainment. She has appeared in almost 20 movies, been cast on hit TV series, earned nearly every award imaginable including multiple Tonys, Grammys and Emmys and starred in six comedy specials. Now, at age 72, she still travels extensively, performing new material to audiences around the world.
Her most classic characters will definitely be part of the current show. Edith Ann will be sharing her latest adventures with her dog Buster and continuing to announce her superiority by declaring “and that’s the truth.” The ever-popular Ernestine will also make an appearance, though Tomlin warns not to expect any stories about the telephone company. “Ever since the divestiture, Ernestine had to quit Ma Bell,” Tomlin says. “She had her own Internet talk show for a while, but now she’s found her perfect job—working at a health-insurance company, denying everyone’s claims.”

Trampled by Turtles at Urban Lounge

Not Bluegrass: band refuses to be confined to a genre.

Posted // July 1,2010 - Trampled By Turtles is not a bluegrass band. The string quintet out of Duluth, Minn., might draw on fiddle, mandolin, banjo, acoustic guitar and bass to crank out high-energy jams, but, as frontman Dave Simonett observes, the definition of bluegrass is too constricting for its own good.
The term’s narrow scope is partly why the Midwestern musicians settled on their name. “We wanted anything that wasn’t bluegrassy in nature, like a name with mountain, river or ‘the something, something boys.’ We have never called ourselves a bluegrass band,” he said.
Formed in 2004, Trampled By Turtles takes its cues from folk, country and Americana greats Townes Van Zant, Bob Dylan and Wilco, but many fans are surprised to hear strains of punk rock, heavy metal and gangster rap in their sound. Progressive for stringed music, Trampled brings that raw, rip-roarin’ energy to its shows, playing like the band members are fully plugged in. Smaller shows are often their favorite because of the intimate relationship with the crowd.
When seeing a Trampled concert, it’s not uncommon to hear exclamations like, “Those boys sure play fast for sittin’ down like that.” While they’ve tried to play acoustic music standing up, they say it’s easier to play fast while sitting. That iconic image of the band lined up on five chairs made its way onto T-shirts after a fan-based design competition in 2009.
While known largely for live performances, Trampled are turning heads with their recordings; they released Palomino on April 13. Except for several vocal harmonies, the songs were mostly recorded live. “Feet and Bones” and “It’s a War” have the fury and organized chaos of pugnacious country-punk, yet the band shows off its diversity with minimalistic and even jammy tracks.
The album debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard bluegrass chart. Mandolin player Erik Barry says hitting the top of the chart was a bolt from the blue. “A lot of hard work was put into that record, but, at the end of the day, I just play the mandolin,” said Barry. When the publicist called to inform the band they were chart-toppers, Barry didn’t know what to do. “You’d think there’d be high-fives and hugs, but it was just like, ‘Oh, that’s awesome!’ then on to the next thing. What else can you do?” Barry said.
On a more basic level, the success of Palomino facilitates more gigs, more ticket sales—almost doubling in the Southeast, along with sold-out shows in Northeast and the West, where they are more established—and less stress. Now, Barry says he no longer has to work his second job as a line cook. Still, he and his bandmates might be the hardest working men in bluegrass, er, “not bluegrass.” Just before his City Weekly interview, Barry built a duck coop for the poultry farm he and his wife are starting at their Minnesota home.
Trampled also has many musical offshoots, like Barry piecing together a dozen tunes for an album consisting mainly of fiddle arrangements for solo mandolin, possibly including several Black Sabbath songs. Singer/guitarist Simonett has recorded an EP with Dead Man Winter, a straight-up rock band, recently touring the Midwest. Finally, banjo player Dave Carroll leads the band Two Many Banjos, who just released full-length album, POW, in June.
Recording songs is great and all, but it’s not Barry’s No. 1 priority: “I come from focusing on the show as what’s happening. The next show is what I’m most excited about, and I’m thinking about the last show—what worked and what didn’t.”